this town is small yet stories are spilling out from every corner, time is limited yet everything's changing everyday and when life passes too fast and stories end too soon sometimes it spins me inside out and my overwhelmed head feels heavy and all I want to do is close my eyes and let the heavy clouds above my head pass and only open my eyes when the sky clears out.
But I didn't. I never could.
I am now writing this from memories of August 2013,
November sky is painted grey and rains out heavily almost everyday. Days are dark and time seems to be passing so slow. During night time, after a heavy washout, I would hear lonely laughters echoing among the buildings I see on my first sight out my window, the little bright lives whose existence I never really expect in the dead hours, yet lately I am one of them too. There would still be people playing in the playgrounds around my HBD neighbourhood, I would still be pausing in between fleeting stories. My feet had been wondering around this dark city past midnight these days.
As I lay my head I wonder about the endless word vomits I've been having in the past few months.
On a beautiful afternoon I was putting on my brand new Yukata for Natsu Matsuri. I was sitting straight while getting my hair did by my ex housemate, Dira, when the fat cat named Bobo covered my ankles with his thick golden fur. Today last year I was here, living shortly in a small homey room, surviving on my own. And being back in that room I felt like I was reminded of all the brand new starts I've had, and the bravery I had to find and choose endings to some of them for good. In between the reminiscing, Dira made my hair bun and applied eyeshadow on my lids. Natsu Matsuri this year was just as festive as last year, and through memories I made my ways easier through it all this time, I knew which stalls to get the best food and which spot is the most convenient to sit down with drinks and park our Geta. I joined Bon Odori (盆踊り) and danced with strangers, and my tummy was spoiled as always. Unfortunately I didn't get to take as many photographs as last year.
I remember stories of September 2013,
disconnection has been befriending me. Beautiful, troubled, escape-craving souls came and left and I can't remember having companies that would stay long enough to wake me up before nightmares eat up my mornings alive. These detachment side effects had left me lost in the air of solitude, I was a grasshopper, jumping from one green leaf to another. Everything remained a give-and-take, numb and free.
On a windy evening I was strolling along River Point with a best friend of mine, drinking away and loving everything that kept us together like this. He was in town for a job, and I'm happy that he gets to travel while doing something that he loves for living. Later that night he passed out on my couch while I was drowning on pilling deadlines myself. The next evening was spent on a gig of one of my favourite Indonesian musicians down at Boat Quay, my best friend on duty with camera on his hands and I, on mine. It's always pleasing to spend short hours on good music, while greeting new familiar faces and getting involved in conversations that felt like home. And of course, it's always pleasing to be taking photographs again too. I haven't been spending enough time to take photos out of passion, and although I haven't been too passionate on stage photography myself, I collected amazing images of amazing talents wrapped in amazing energy on stage and I had an amazing time. All's good.
I felt the sudden energy rush from being back on track on spray painting and it was great to be doing mural art again. I spent several good months being surrounded by crazy talented local street artists and the amount of motivation they gave out whenever they're down for spray painting sessions had been contagious, mostly during their Singapore Biennale week. I got an offer to get involved in Jogja's street art project/exhibition for January around the same time, and the fact that I haven't practiced mural painting for years now made me nervous yet I was very excited for it. These were the times I spent my days being at school and working part-time and saving up money for new year trip and plane tickets, and my nights preparing sketches for the Jogja exhibition while drinking cheap coffee with people who had spray paints all over their arms and clothes until sunrise. Everything felt so young and timeless. But in fact, time was going just as fast as ever.
It's approaching the end of the year again as any other years before but this time I've been too overwhelmed to get excited about anything a brand new year would have to offer. This town is small yet stories are spilling out from every corner, time is limited yet everything's changing everyday and when life passes too fast, and stories end too soon, sometimes it spins me inside out and my overwhelmed head feels heavy, and all I want to do is close my eyes and let the heavy clouds above my head pass and only open my eyes when the sky clears out.
And when I opened my eyes, it's another December for the lost and found...
• Some photographs I took of them on stage. I forgot how good of a band they are, and I definitely had fun •
• Endless storm every single day and night for months •
• My fruitful deathbed, 25 hours to assessment day •
• Mom bought be a warm wool top when she visited •
• Made it back home to spoil my main man with homemade chocolate ganache cake and dinner on his birthday that one long weekend in September •